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Or, if youre still feeling punny, read these candy puns to keep the laughs going. Or if you're hosting a costume party, be the ghostest with the mostest by asking your friends how to tell if a ghost has had too much to drink. Never criticize someone until youve walked a mile in their shoes. 11. "The holding will call into question many other regulations that protect consumers with respect to credit cards, bank accounts, mortgage loans, debt collection, credit reports, and identity theft," tweeted Chris Peterson, a former enforcement attorney at the CFPB who is now a law professor Your email address will not be published. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. Here is a list of electricity puns that will make your day. What do you call a monster who likes to dance? And if you really love puns, check out our collection of the best puns ever. Whyd the witch get kicked out of school? Whats a witchs favorite breakfast food? 4. Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images. For more laughs, check our What Do You Call Jokes for Kids. Mayonnaise. Spice things up with our fast food jokes! Password requirements: 6 to 30 characters long; ASCII characters only (characters found on a standard US keyboard); must contain at least 4 different symbols; The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. 57. There are so many to choose from, including wolf puns and fish puns. Opened the kitchen cupboard and found some fake noodles. Who wants to know? It was a real scream. 18. He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish. One liner tags: beauty, puns, sport, ugly 80.47 % / 1268 votes. Whats a dogs favorite homework assignment? McDonalds Douglas. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Some men say they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Why dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? 95. 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Whats the only thing that can make .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}trick-or-treating, pumpkin carving, ghost busting and horror movie marathons any better? Booberry. Youll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace. Five Guys. Funny One-Liners; Knock-Knock Jokes; Riddles; ALL JOKES; I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. If you are looking for some fun while eating your favourite snacks, look no further because we have a compilation of jokes about food and drink. I blueberry much love you. 8. Eclipse it. 42. Statistician: a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 5. Be the life on your next dinner party with these hilarious jokes. Aristocratic & Royal Names. Oh, crab! A friend of mine bought an old plane, took the wings off, and turned it into a restaurant. See TOP 10 motivational one liners. I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that. Its one of those games that has built an entire culture behind it. To get to the other side. Zac. Why dont vampires eat cows? Man, the steaks were high on that one. Pizza, Coffee, Chocolate and Sex. rd.com, Getty Images. Every sports fan will appreciate these super funny basketball jokes and puns. He thought the change would do him good. Hes got two left feet. Neck-tarine. Need to know ASAP. 3. Oswald who? The largest collection of fighting one-line jokes in the world. 96. The answer is a no-brainer. Did you hear the one about the confusing cemetery book? Speeches. They said it was ground beef. If you believe that the quickest way to a mans heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high. 88. Its a hard rock life for us. How to Ask For Money as a Wedding Gift. Why did the zombie eat brains? She had a lot of spirit. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Think about it: If you pair a picture of your best friend Halloween costume with a pun-filled Halloween joke, then youre sure to rake in all the likes and laughs. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. You might spread it. Here are even more great jokes and one-liners for wedding speeches to get the guests giggling! Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Absolutely hillarious motivational one-liners! The majority of Americans find bananas a peeling. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him. Whats a ghosts favorite game? Peas who? The largest collection of motivational one-line jokes in the world. (and the young at heart) 2022. If we had a dollar for every time we made someone laugh, wed make it rain with these money jokes. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton Berle and Conan OBrien. The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it. Knock, knock! Small son sitting on Daddys lap: Im still confused. Maybe shes barn with it Maybe its neighbelline. There is only one thing I dont like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant 50. so I ate a sloth. A large fortune. Noah good place we could go to eat? How do you know your close to a Frito Lay factory? Knock, knock! What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Most peoples go-to comfort foods are junk food but remember that these foods will make you unhealthy in the long run. Me harteys!!! 55. I never knew what happiness was until I got marriedand then it was too late. That poem still holds up. 2. Knock, knock! Whos there? 4. Do these genes make me look fat?. Red sky at night, shepherds delight. Doughnut take us lightly. Noah. 43. I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms. See TOP 10 birthday one liners. Nope. You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering. Pete-za but you took so long Ive already eaten it! Whos there? 11. You can also have a look at our dad jokes and mom jokes for your amusement while enjoying dinner with your family! Calling all cat, dog, reptile, fish, and bird lovers! Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Why did the scarecrow win an award? Pudding. The path of yeast resistance. Where do celebrity ghosts go on vacation? Why dont cats play poker in the jungle? Here, have a carrot! When a cannibal has fast food he gets Fouls, traveling, dunks, March Madness, and jump shots are all fair game here. Blue sky at night, day. Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how shes doing. 98. Blasting off in 3, 2, 1 However, we use it to create more problems. What do ghosts wear when it snows? Blueberry puns. One was ghosting the other. A. I dont know and I dont care. Gift Lists & Gifting. To help you have as much fun as possible in preparation for the all those tricks and treats, weve put together a list of 127 of the very best Halloween jokes that are sure to get you awarded the title of pun-king this spooky season. Im just not on the right planet. 93. Whats the difference between a pizza and my joke about pizza? 17. Why did the monster parents take away their teenagers phone? Why doesnt Frankenstein dance? Its one of those games that has built an entire culture behind it. I may be obsessed with rocks, but thats my pre-rock-ative. 34. How can you prevent being possessed by a demon? A cab. Knock, knock! Blasting off in 3, 2, 1 Wheres Draculas ATM? Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. Password requirements: 6 to 30 characters long; ASCII characters only (characters found on a standard US keyboard); must contain at least 4 different symbols; 1. Knock, knock. June, 2015. In queso emergency. Whos there? We share them in our weekly newsletter. 100 Bad Jokes That Are Totally Cringeworthy! What's a ghost's least favorite day of the week? 15. Maybe shes barn with it Maybe its neighbelline. 41. Whats a mathematicians favorite Halloween treat? Why doesnt Dracula have any friends? What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud, and then crosses back again? All one liners Choose by topic For special events New one liners. Absolutely hillarious puns! See TOP 10 gay one liners. It was a howl. rd.com, Getty Images. Last-minute Halloween costumes that are all about punny business, fun things to do during the spooky season, Best Halloween movies for kids and families, Quick Halloween costumes you can make last minute, Add these Halloween songs to your party playlist. When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first. 77. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves. The trom-bone. 23. What do weight-conscious vampires drink? For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. A dirty double-crosser. 84. What is the sound of no-hands texting? Scare spray. 62. A second nice shirt. By scare-plane. (Credit: justbadpuns.com). Orange you glad to see me? My boyfriend said he didnt have a date that same day I caught him eating one. September, 2020. March, 2007. Why did the tomato blush? My pizza jokes cant be topped! It sprinkles! Whats a pandas favorite cooking utensil? I havent used it once until now. Theresa fly in my soup! Because of the chips and dip in the road. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. Trust me. If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? However, theres one group of puns that take the cake: shark puns. Im writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: I heard from this guy who told somebody . Pumpkin pi. A new wine has been made for cats. Knock, knock! It will always be our guilty pleasure. The largest collection of gay one-line jokes in the world. Because seven eight nine. Why didnt Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? Bargain haunting. I Spy With My Little Eye . Who did the ghost take to the Halloween party? 59. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot. Next, check out these bar jokes that are hilariously funny. the New York Jets cocktail? What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? These money jokes and money puns will make you feel rich. Top 50 Money Jokes Short Quick One-Liners. It only had one pupil. This is one experiment sure to yield favorable results. Of course I wouldnt say anything about her unless I could say something good. Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Funny Food Jokes One-Liners. Do you know a funny one liner? Steals & Deals: Up to 74% off candles, cookware sets, more some ship free. They offer broom service. Through the grapevine. The smile looks really good on you. In honor of Readers Digests 100th anniversary, weve collected 100 jokes, puns, and funny one-liners that are short, sharp, and easy to deliver. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Not all of them have a deeper meaning. She couldnt spell. Absolutely hillarious motivational one-liners! Why dont chickens play sports? From riddles to knock-knock jokes they're easy to learn, but make for huge laughs. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. One of my friends is pregnant. Why did the chicken go to the seance? Too many cheetahs. A perfectionist walked into a barapparently, the bar wasnt set high enough. This fruit salad really blue me away. I dont want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, Im not fluent, but Im sure if I ever went there, I could get by. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? About Our Coalition. 20. Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle reporter at TODAY.com with more than a decade of experience writing across an array of channels including home, health, holidays, personal finance, shopping, food, fashion, travel and weddings. They dont like stakes. Knock, knock! The lists do not show all contributions to every state ballot measure, or each independent expenditure committee formed to support or Thats the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. Weve also snuck in a few cringeworthy jokes among these funny one-liners, so be warned. Read more: BEST Kitchen Jokes That Foodies. "The holding will call into question many other regulations that protect consumers with respect to credit cards, bank accounts, mortgage loans, debt collection, credit reports, and identity theft," tweeted Chris Peterson, a former enforcement attorney at the CFPB who is now a law professor Oh, crab! Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? 70 Electricity Puns You'll Love to Read (Jokes & One-Liners) A good joke can If you thought there is nothing funny with electricity, think again. 40. Because theyre humerus. Pasta who? Pleased to eat you. They check their horror-scope. Because he was stuffed. Finally, when the moment came, the birthday child would make a wish, try to blow out all the candles in one breath, and dig in. OK, first shirt again. Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. Whos there? Wed tell you the answers, but what skele-fun would that be? These funny pizza puns are knead-to-know. Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? With scream and sugar. Missile toe. Good thing we have some jokes for you that will make you laugh so hard as if you exercised. Well, whatever it is, were sure that you will love our compilation of funny jokes about food. When Hannibal gets fast food, what does he order? the cow that ate bluegrass and mooed indigo? Noah who? the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? What did one DNA say to the other DNA? She was afraid shed fly off the handle. 89. Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be just water. Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. A Samburger and French guys. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! 73. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Are vampires real? My father is allergic to cotton. Speeches. At the boo-tique. How many egomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb? See TOP 10 motivational one liners. June, 2015. These money jokes and money puns will make you feel rich. Today, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) issued guidance about two junk fee practices that are likely unfair and unlawful under existing law. Me: No, but Ill arm wrestle you for the bill. 81. 19. Go to bed! Turkey. Password requirements: 6 to 30 characters long; ASCII characters only (characters found on a standard US keyboard); must contain at least 4 different symbols; Get your paws, claws and fins on these funny animal puns. Nobel who? After these puns for kids, keep up the laughs with the 50 best knock-knock jokes for kids. A pan.. Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents. What do you call a werewolf that pays attention? The largest collection of motivational one-line jokes in the world. The first, surprise overdraft fees, includes overdraft fees charged when consumers had enough money in their account to cover a debit charge at the time the bank authorizes it. rd.com, Getty Images. 37. See TOP 10 motivational one liners. It used sheet music. See TOP 10 fighting one liners. Why arent dogs good dancers? Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images. It had bat breath. 13. I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me. the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? Buffet is a French word that means get up and get it yourself.. No, I'm not fat. Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. 68. Gifted. A spoo-key. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Mali-boo. What do you call a tasty Mexican demon dog served in a restaurant? The lists do not show all contributions to every state ballot measure, or each independent expenditure committee formed to support or Outlaws are wanted. Prop 30 is supported by a coalition including CalFire Firefighters, the American Lung Association, environmental organizations, electrical workers and businesses that want to improve Californias air quality by fighting and preventing wildfires and reducing air pollution from vehicles. Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. Speeches. A fast food employee dropped my burger patty on the floor before serving it to me. 6. All one liners Choose by topic For special events New one liners. Or, if youre still feeling punny, read these candy puns to keep the laughs going. Trust me. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? Mayonnaise who? Where do spiders do their online shopping? How do you make a skeleton laugh? Pudding who? What kind of muffins do ghosts eat? Its one of those games that has built an entire culture behind it. Not all of them have a deeper meaning. See TOP 10 fighting one liners. The living room. Funny Food Jokes and Puns; Funny Food Jokes One-Liners; Knock Knock Food Jokes; Fast Food Jokes; Restaurant Jokes; Thyme is money. The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long. All sorted from the best by our visitors. 80. See TOP 10 birthday one liners. I saw a yogurt floating across my kitchen. Theyve only got a skeleton crew working. June, 2015. You know the old sayingigneous is bliss. Read more: FUNNY Money Jokes. 38. Why did the rooster cross the road? It dampens their spirits. Did you hear the one about the greedy peanut butter? He got twelve months. No one knows it was neck and neck. Knock, knock! Speeches. 1. You are so ugly when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away. Knock, knock! Gift Lists & Gifting. The largest collection of birthday one-line jokes in the world. 127 Halloween Jokes To Tickle Your Funny Bones, 75 Best Christmas Puns for All the Holiday Giggles. Treat yourself with our yummy and delicious jokes that will leave you hungry for more. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? You wouldnt want to miss the knock knock jokes about cooking and food that we found! A rich man is 0ne who isnt afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper. Take a sip of our carefully crafted coffee jokes and puns, latte puns, barista jokes and more. Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free. 61. Get your paws, claws and fins on these funny animal puns. Speeches. Whos there? Menu. It gets toad away. The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old. Prop 30 is supported by a coalition including CalFire Firefighters, the American Lung Association, environmental organizations, electrical workers and businesses that want to improve Californias air quality by fighting and preventing wildfires and reducing air pollution from vehicles. Food creates a sensation of incredible feeling and positive vibes. Ever hear about the million-dollar plan to convert the top floor of The Shard into a restaurant? One. 16. Squash. Knock, knock. What do ghosts like to drink when they party? To see a mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted. So long, sucker! 52. He just wanted a little more space. Funny One-Liners; Knock-Knock Jokes; Riddles; ALL JOKES; There is no question that fast food can put up some weight. How did one ghost know the other ghost was lying? The path of yeast resistance. I miss you berry much. RELATED: 50 Pasta Puns to Spice Up Your Daily Rotini. Its pasture bedtime! 12. 11. About Our Coalition. They use vanishing cream. I really like cooking fruit with sugar. Hes at the hospital getting checked for rabies now. Alabama. 58. Theresa who? On the tele-bone. 3. What did one invisible man say to the other? And Im really excited. He has two shirts. To prove he wasnt a chicken. marriage jokes, cheating jokes, animal jokes, puns, one liners, dirty jokes, silly jokes, police jokes, prison jokes and many more. Nice shirt. Arent you the waiter? Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Have you played the updated kids' game? Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Baby, if you were a fruit youd be a fine-apple. 79 BEST Funny Jokes Easy to Share (for Adults & Kids), 85 HILARIOUS Fruit Jokes That Are Berry Funny, 80 Hilarious Paper Jokes That Will Make Your Mind Blank, 33 Teenage jokes one-liner for the hearts of millennials! Lifestyle and Relationships. Pasta la vista, gringo. 92. How do zombies get in the house? Its Monday! How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb? Pete. Smoking will kill you Bacon will kill you But, smoking bacon will cure it. Why did the ghost pick its nose? Funny Food Jokes and Puns; Funny Food Jokes One-Liners; Knock Knock Food Jokes; Fast Food Jokes; Restaurant Jokes; Thyme is money. An avid traveler, foodie, helicopter parent and couch film critic, Sarah is originally from Minneapolis and has spent the last two decades unsuccessfully trying to figure out the difference between a hoagie and a sub. Ayatollah who? It was Chewie. Life Savers. Control freak. Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case. What do birds say on Halloween? A chalupacabra. Broom-mates. 78. Youll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age. What do you call a hippies wife? It needed to lighten up. See you in the Email! Absolutely hillarious birthday one-liners! Why a carrot as a logo? Its an impasta. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell My Personal Information CA Residents. Spare ribs. Whos there? Lifestyle and Relationships. Go to bed! Still craving more? What do you need to unlock a haunted house? the cat who ate a ball of yarn? How do ghosts become pilots? Phonetic Puns & Prank Names. You butter believe it. @bridger_w (Bridger We get it, poets: Things are like other things. Before you head the door for a night of trick-or-treating, you might want to know what a zombies least favorite candy. Let us entertain you for a little while as you feast on the jokes that we are about to serve you! Check out our collections of cheesy pickup lines and our ever-popular dad jokes. share Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired. Bloody Mary. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? How did the jack-o-lantern fix the rip in its jeans? They use a skeleton key. 45. Take a sip of our carefully crafted coffee jokes and puns, latte puns, barista jokes and more. Funny One-Liners; Knock-Knock Jokes; Riddles; ALL JOKES; Pudding in your face! Test out our theory for yourself and see if the following space puns make you laugh out loud. Why was six afraid of seven? Because the food industry workers are finally washing their hands! A kids meal, with extra kids. Whos there? They say fast food is bad for you Im not telling you. 4. 4. Turnip. Whos there? 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